Annual Idiot Awards for the year 2006 Number One Idiot of 2006 I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not...

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the...

According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little...

While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. Bush asks how she knows if they're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen...

A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in shit up to their necks. The guy says "no, let me see the next room." In the second room, people are standing with shit up to...

The Pope is visiting town and all the residents are dressed up in their best Sunday clothes. Everyone lines up on main street hoping for a personal blessing from the Pope. One local man has put on his best suit and he?s sure the Pope will stop and talk to him. He is standing next to an...

A single guy decides life would be more fun if he had a pet. He went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for its house. He took the box back home...

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. Mom, I want a bike for my birthday. Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at...

One night, a delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above new jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, michael jordan, bill gates, the dali lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began...

Can delete this if its posted already!! -------------------------------------------------------- Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your..." Customer: "Hello, can I order.." Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?" Customer: "It's eh...

A Tourist was visiting the museum: Tourist: Whose skeleton is that? Johnny: Newton's skeleton. Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it? Johnny: That was Newton's skeleton when he was child . ---------- - Lisa Only The Best Funny Jokes: http://www.onlybestjokes.com

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 second and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll...

In the old wild west, there were two blonde cowpokes, krish and jack. One day, the two were enjoying a strong sarsaparilla in the local saloon, when a man walked into the bar with an indian's head under his arm. The barman shakes his hand and says, "i hate indians; last week the bastards burnt...

Satan greets him: "welcome mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, i'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up...

There is something that is troubling an african dude from a small and illiterate village, for a couple of days. So he seeks some advice from some of his educated friends. He calls all of his friends and tells them his problem "Friends, i have a meeting with bill clinton in a couple of days on...

One night, a father overheard his son saying his prayers, "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grammy. Goodbye Grampa." The father thought this was strange, but soon forgot about it. The next day, the Grandfather died. About a month or so later, the father again heard his son's prayers, "God bless...

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a Sardar were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "the bad news is that we caught you and we're going to kill you and eat you and then use your skin to build a canoe. But the good news is that you can choose how you want to die." The...

A married man and his secretary are having an affair. They decide to leave the office early and go to the secretary's appartment for an afternoon of ......., whatever its called. They fall asleep and don't wake up till 8 PM later that night. They quickly get dressed and the man asks the...

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there. By the time they do arrive, everyone's whipped and hungry...

A blind man was out walking with his seeing eye dog when suddenly the animal paused and wet the man's leg. Bending down, the blind man stretched out his hand and patted the dog's head. Having watched what happened, a passerby said, "sir, why are you patting him? That dog just peed on your leg!"...