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I was at my house watching this boxing match on TV closely, but I was watching my little nephew Ruben?s Hepatitis B even more closely. Little Ruben?s 4. He was grabbing people?s cups, sipping and back-washing, then he?d spin in circles and cough all over the place. I ducked the coughs...

I was at my house watching this boxing match on TV closely, but I was watching my little nephew Ruben?s Hepatitis B even more closely. Little Ruben?s 4. He was grabbing people?s cups, sipping and back-washing, then he?d spin in circles and cough all over the place. I ducked the coughs...

I told my best friend Marcos that I had the hook-up for some Villiage People CD?s. ?I love YMCA!? He shouted, then danced and spelled out YMCA with his arms. Motherfvcker should?a spelled out YMIA-DICK, for real. ?They on the up-and-up?? He asked, ?You know I?m on probation.? ?Hell...

I was stopped at a red light with my daughter in the car. The car in front of us had a bumper sticker that read: Proud parent of a honor roll student at Jefferson Elementary ?When you gonna get me one of those?? I asked my daughter. Before she could answer, I remembered her size 4 shoe...

I knocked my cousin?s burrito to the floor. He was ready to throw it away. ?Kiss it to God and eat it,? I said. He stared at me suspiciously. ?Kiss it to God,? I repeated, ?He cleanses everything.? He kissed it to God, ate it and nodded, ?Not bad.? I knocked his nachos to...

I knocked my cousin?s burrito to the floor. He was ready to throw it away. ?Kiss it to God and eat it,? I said. He stared at me suspiciously. ?Kiss it to God,? I repeated, ?He cleanses everything.? He kissed it to God, ate it and nodded, ?Not bad.? I knocked his nachos to...

My mother’s been bugging me for a picture of myself for the longest. I’m gonna do it since I didn’t get her anything for Mother’s Day. I made her a grandmother this year so I figured she no longer qualified as a mother. Honest mistake anybody could’ve made. I asked her where she’s gonna...

I hate to bring up the past but mija pissed me off this past cozy Christmas Eve. We drank hot chocolate, wore Santa hats, watched the Exorcist and sang Christmas carols. I sing way better than she does. She fvcked up Santa Claus Is Coming To Town so badly that that motherfvcker didn?t...

I was very cold and trembling the other day so I ducked into this restaurant and ordered a hot chocolate. The lady handed it to me, ?Be careful, Sir. It?s extremely hot.? That kind?a pissed me off. ?What?chu say?? I asked. ?Be careful. It?s very, very hot.? I handed it back to her...